If you’re upset about being asked for a gratuity at every turn — at convenience stores, supermarkets and even on websites — then you might have a case of tip rage.

“There are now more situations than there used to be in which we’re expected to tip,” says Gail Sahar, a psychology professor at Wheaton College in Norton, Mass. “That feels unfair to many people. They’re frustrated — and angry.”

A few weeks ago, I noted that many Americans had stopped tipping. But that’s left many people seething for two reasons: First, the solicitations for gratuities have only become louder, leading to more friction. And second, service staff are furious because their customers are not tipping enough. 

What is tip rage?

Tip rage is people’s anger when pressured into leaving a gratuity. In recent months, coffee shops, restaurants, and hotels in the United States have become pushier about soliciting these extras. For example, some payment terminals demand a 30% tip before you get a takeout meal. Other times, service workers leave you with the impression that you’re stealing their wages if you don’t tip enough.

“Getting hit up for tips all the time and in unreasonable circumstances is frustrating,” says Santa Clara University psychology professor Thomas Plante. “And the frustration leads to aggression.”

To be clear, there are no reports of people ripping a payment terminal out of the wall, throwing it at a server, tearing a credit card receipt to shreds, and tossing it on the hotel room floor like confetti. But that hasn’t stopped people from fantasizing about it. 

Why are consumers mad about tipping?

What’s behind the fury? 

For Missy Walker, the breaking point came when the owners of her favourite coffee shop blocked the “no tip” option on its payment terminal. That meant she had to leave a gratuity before they delivered her coffee.

“I’m outraged,” says Walker, a retired teacher from Winter Garden, Fla. “And as for the business — shame on them!”

Ed Horenburger, a retired printer from Philadelphia, says he was “disgusted” when his favourite restaurant switched its suggested tip to include a gratuity on the total amount, including taxes. He doesn’t think that’s fair, a sentiment many readers share.

“I’ve drifted more to making coffee at home to reduce the need for tipping,” he says.

Stephen Zimmerman, the president of an accounting firm in New York, says he was stunned when he saw a tipping option after booking airfare online — an action that required no help from a person. The site offered the choice of a $1, $6 or $9 gratuity. 

He declined.  

“It seemed like we reached the end of the world with that,” he says.

It’s easy to see why people are upset. Being forced to leave a gratuity before a service is rendered, playing sneaky numbers games and asking for a gratuity for no service is enough to upset even the most generous tipper. 

However, readers privately also told me they were most angry about the guilt. They felt that they were responsible for the wages of their service staff and that by failing to tip, they were depriving service workers of their salary.

Service workers have a different view, though.

Why do service workers have tip rage?

Service employees, who flooded my inbox with angry messages after my last column on tipping, are outraged that this is even a topic of discussion. 

Most feel that people should leave 20 percent tips as a baseline in restaurants and that if you can’t, you shouldn’t bother eating out. The sentiment carried over to other service professions, including cruises, hotels, and tours: Don’t even think about travelling without being prepared to add 20 percent at a minimum to the price.

I should preface this by saying my last story on gratuities talked about the people who had stopped tipping. 

Almost all of the responses I received from service workers were so vitriolic that I can’t quote them in a family publication. They used gratuitous profanity, told me I wasn’t welcome in their restaurants, and one even promised that if I ever ordered in her establishment, she would spit in my food.

Between the epithets and threats, there was one common theme. Many U.S. states allow restaurants to pay less than minimum wage for tipped positions, so the servers rely on your gratuities to earn a living.

According to employees, the bottom line is that Service workers are entitled to your gratuity, and not just because it’s part of their basic income. It’s because they have to put up with you.

“I dare ask anyone who’s worked in the service-based industry to argue that our front-line service workers don’t deserve a tip,” says Kelly Anderson, a corporate chef from La Crescenta, Calif. “Why? Because most consumers are difficult, entitled, and have misguided rage.”

OK, so we’re angry at service workers. They’re angry at us. But who’s right?

What should you do about tip rage?

Fixing this isn’t going to be easy, according to experts.

“The compensation system in the United States is totally broken,” says etiquette expert Nick Leighton. “The ultimate solution will have to come from Congress for this problem to truly be addressed.”

Until that happens, he says, customers shouldn’t be angry at service workers for a system they didn’t create — and vice versa.

But what should you do about the tip rage you feel every time you go to pay for something?

Honesty is one of the hallmarks of our system. Most consumers feel that the price quoted on the menu should be the price you pay, period. If you’re being pressured to pay 20 percent above the menu price, then the company is dishonest, and you should take your business elsewhere.

Most readers resent being held responsible for the salary of their restaurant server, tour guide or cabin steward. They say their meal, cruise or tour cost should cover everything, including worker salaries, as in most countries. But if it doesn’t, it’s a private matter between the employer and employee and none of their business.

Americans are some of the most generous people on earth, and many decide to tip their servers and guides. Having travelled worldwide, I believe generosity is one of our best qualities. But the tipped-out travellers who responded to my last story make a valid point. We shouldn’t leave a gratuity because we have to. We should do it because we have received good service and want to.

How to avoid tip rage

There are two ways to prevent frustration at the ongoing solicitations for tips. First, you can pay with cash to avoid using the electronic terminals. (And by the way, if you ever run across a payment terminal that forces you to tip, there is no way to opt-out, cancel the transaction, and leave.)

Some credit cards can help you maintain your calm, too. Barbara Dukart, a travel advisor from Wilmington, Del., swears by her Capital One card. Its mobile app occasionally sends her notifications, asking if she meant to leave a tip on an item. “I love it,” she says.

Matt Knise, a senior vice president at Capital One, told me the company has invested in a personal alert system “to identify unusual charges such as bill increases, double charges — or unintended overtipping.” 

What if you discover that you’ve accidentally overtipped a business? Knise says the best course of action is to contact the merchant directly to get your gratuity back. But if that doesn’t work, you can always file a dispute on your credit card, and Capital One will try to get you a refund. 

That’s right, folks. Don’t get mad about tipping. Get even.

 

 

 

Written by: Christopher Elliott

 

 

BIO:

Christopher Elliott is an author, consumer advocate, and journalist. He founded Elliott Advocacy, a nonprofit organization that helps solve consumer problems. He publishes Elliott Confidential, a travel newsletter, and the Elliott Report, a news site about customer service. If you need help with a consumer problem, you can reach him here or email him at chris@elliott.org.

 

 

 

 

 

===================================