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I can hear the announcement right now…Welcome Aboard, Queen Elizabeth!

Just before the outbreak of COVID-19, I walked the gang plank, something I’d sworn for decades I’d never-ever do, but I’d been gifted a Travel Writer’s Award, which allowed me to pick a cruise and float an ocean or two with Cunard Cruises.

I had tried hard to convert the award to a fund-raising prize but was told, “furgettabout it!” UNLESS I’d agree to at least test the waters and take a cruise…

No Way! Know How!

For years, I was committed to floating my boat, and I’d tell everyone who’d boasted about doing a cruise that I was blissfully happy to wave “bon voyage” to them from the pier. There was no way, no how, I’d ever-ever climb onto a cruise ship.

The pushback from devoted cruise lovers though was always significant, with good friends and other travel writers who’d “been there, and done that” cruising, insisting I was talking out of my backside, [which I have to admit does happen sometimes!] with trusted friends and family members, editors and travel writing pals repeatedly suggesting I was missing out on an enormous honeypot of exceptional experiences.

I stubbornly stood my ground and dug my topsiders in for more than four decades, preferring to fly, catch a train, drive, or get to where I was going on foot! Full stop.

Let me explain! It’s not that I’m afraid of the water as I grew up on a two-masted schooner, never once getting sea-sick, but I was determined to avoid floating on open water anywhere, like live cargo, and I’d done my reading; some of those cruise ships carried not hundreds, but thousands of passengers and crew.

You’ll never, ever know . . . If you never, ever go!

As the fates flew, I’d mentioned my need to meander from Australia to New Zealand during a tourism industry luncheon and Among the covey of travel folk was a compatriot from Cunard Cruises, who asked for my card and shortly after the writer’s event, I was offered a berth aboard Queen Elizabeth II for the open-water trans-Tasman Crossing from Melbourne to Auckland.

I pondered the possibilities, and unlike earlier overtures to take to the seas, this time, the notion of being part of a ‘captive audience’ appealed to me. However, I was desperately time-challenged and surrounded by distractions keeping me from getting copy completed on two ‘Know BEFORE You GO!” guidebooks – such is the life of a travel writer.

High-Quality Quarantine!

The notion of four days, without any interruptions, tucked away in a cabin at sea suddenly held real wharf appeal, and I accepted the invitation to give cruising a try, looking forward to being luxuriously locked up in a self-imposed exile while my incarceration would come complete with room service and other occasional creature comforts. So, cruising beaconed me like the Sirens of Ulysses…and I signed on.

Cruising Completely Changed My Point of View

“Gentlemen, atop your desks!” famous in the film, “Dead Poet’s Society” when Robin Williams used the line to alter his very stuffed-shirted-students to see the world from a very different perspective, taking this short, four-day cruise certainly altered mine and keen to share what I learned at sea, as I’ve now become a walking-advert for the notion of open-sea cruising.

Before casting off . . . You need to Sign On!

Long before I even set sail, communications from the mother ship at Cunard corporate arrived well timed, with like ‘paint-by-numbers’, I followed the online prompts, provided preferences and input vital details. Once my data beachhead was established, collateral materials flowed into my inbox, relieving me of travel anxiety. This was not Cunard’s first deep-sea fishing trip, so I moved my mouse around.

What to pack . . . and what to leave ashore, and despite my advance notice, I made a few cruising ‘rookie’ omissions, which I’m obliged to share, with my first oops was in the area of electricals. Don’t leave your power cords for the laptop and camera gear at home. This seemingly minuscule omission meant that I was hobbled aboard long before we left port. However, the inability to write anything via my laptop gave me free time out on the deck, writing notes from lounge chairs near the Queen Elizabeth’s swimming pools and out of my cabin, I mingled marvellously.

So, bring aboard your adapter and a multi-socket power board, [but check before boarding as on some ships you take a power board on board, and they may take it from you] even if you don’t use them. My cabin steward, Ryan, magically had electrical adapters up his starched uniform sleeves to share. A friendly note pinned to my mirror reminded me not to tote the loaned items ashore when I disembarked. Ryan is, in my view, a candidate for cloning.

Wondering how often people made my same electrical omissions error, I went below a few decks to the Purser’s Office to ask Stephen, with his South African origins, who showed me an entire crate full of unclaimed and left-behind electronics. They can’t always help everyone, but they’ll give it a hearty sea-going try. Be prepared, like a good Sea Scout, make a list, and check it twice before boarding.

The Captain’s word is LAW. Smooth sailing is all about the ebb and flow of guests boarding and disembarking and moving about the ship to the almost magical point, with guests given specific boarding and dining time suggestions, which for the most part, it appeared folks stuck to. Managing a perpetually moving, the sea-going city needs precision timing, so follow the prompts and instructions, be on time, and freedom is at your fingertips.

Cruising? Chill Out!

Awaiting me in my cabin was a chilled bottle of French sparkling wine, with two glass flutes and snacks compliments of the Captain and crew, and branded terrycloth robes in the closet, with the toilet amenities what I’d expect to find in a 5-star Michelin-rated resort, that I poached on my next-to-last-day of cruising. Still, thankfully Ryan, my cabin steward, had reloaded the cabin bathroom by nightfall.

The view forward from my treadmill in the gym was excellent, with cycling trainers and yoga instructors and other cardio-vascular classes well subscribed to, and I never waited once to use the equipment. I alternated taking my showers between my cabin and the men’s changing rooms, where I could sit in the steam room and have access to unlimited large towels and complimentary shave gear, mouthwash, earbuds, emery boards and combs, with a view of ceiling-to floor-vistas of open-ocean., although I don’t recall passing a single ship.

Cummerbunds were created for a good reason, and remember adjustable tuxedo slacks with silk trim need to be shore-tested before leaving home? It was fabulous fun, sprucing up for dinner and themed evening events such as the 1920s-inspired Great Gatsby evening, where everyone aboard seemed to be getting into the spirit of it.

You meet the nicest people during the spin cycle…make that Tango Class!

Each cabin deck on Queen Elizabeth had a launderette, with washers and dryers free of charge and detergent sachets provided, but I don’t know if this is the same with other cruise ships, so check beforehand. I have to say, you do meet the nicest people during the spin cycle, and I kept meeting new folks, happy to share their history as I attempted to iron the pleats of a tuxedo shirt. Frustrated by my ironing attempt, Joyce from Geelong took over the iron while telling me about the couple’s 11^th cruise voyage, and she later asked me to dance in the ship’s ballroom during a Tango lesson. I stepped on her toes!

Queen Elizabeth is a floating United Nations among the staff and fellow passengers, and when I did the sums, it worked out to about 2.2 passengers for every staff member. I learned heaps by attending the Captain’s nightly pre-dinner mixers. Like snowflakes, no two cruises are ever alike, so depending on the time of year and location of the vessel, the passenger demographic can change radically.

Where are the children kept? Queen Elizabeth has a humongous and well-equipped youth centre that is fully decked out to cater for young audiences, with the cruise staff well-versed in the art of entertaining and engaging children and teens and highly trained, qualified and experienced. During the school holidays on-shore, the domain of the young is a beehive of activities, but on my open-water crossing with every kid back in class, I sighted no more than six kids – the lucky ones.

Stay Connected and bring contact cards along and an address book to capture the details of new friends acquired at sea, with Joanne from New Jersey carrying a journal to have her logbook of the voyage – a new wannabe travel author?

Cruise lines are naturally concerned about cyber-security, so they eliminate cyber bugs aboard correctly. So don’t expect to find a USB port anywhere aboard the ship. Also, check your mobile roaming charges before you board, as many providers charge wounded bison for staying connected to the poor folks who had to stay ashore. Rates for internet connectivity are charged to your cabin, so tread carefully here and do what I did, ‘furrgetaboutIt’. You’re on a cruise in the middle of the ocean!

Like a true ‘vessel virgin’ I pledged to do it all, and I was going to engage in every activity on offer and only settle into a comfy deck chair when I’d done it all. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Each evening, suspended from my cabin door, was a “fancy-nancy” newsletter for the following day’s activities. I quickly learned, though, to short-list the top-shelf activities that I wanted on my sand bucket list, and my cruise hosts did a fabulous job of giving me options. A list of on-shore and on-ship activities enlightened me on the details of dinner dress codes, health warnings and procedures I should expect with my specific crossing almost hour to hour, and when in any doubt, I asked a smiling crew member.

Food, food and then, yep, more food, so I created a balancing act on board, juggling between gym visits and eating, with everything that’s ever been said heralding cruise cuisine is true. I enjoyed the deck tennis, laps in the pools, the gym, the sauna, gargantuan chess on one deck, shuffleboard on another, a reading club, mingling in the company of The Solo Explorers Club, the Tango and ballroom dance lessons, cycling classes, massages and trips to the library….but in the end, all the decks lead to one of the half-dozen eateries.

During the day or for late-night snacking, I ate casually. At dinnertimes, I revelled in my bowties and happily dressed for dinner each evening. The Lido Buffet was open around the clock, and I popped in frequently to top up on caffeine. Note: don’t expect to lose weight on a cruise ship.

Curtain Calls And Nightly Showcases

Nightly lights, cameras and action, with the talent on board well balanced and exceptional with cast members and regional acts practised extensively ashore, and it shows. The Royale Theatre on Queen Elizabeth rivals a small Broadway venue, and I happily attended every evening performance.

I am left-handed and have two gigantic left feet, but the female dance escort had me floating over the parquet dance floor like Fred Astaire, and I happily attended the free group lessons for Tango and ballroom dancing. And lest I forget, there was also a bit of line dancing.

Smart shopping extends to the wine list, and protocol varies with each cruise company. Still, aboard Queen Elizabeth, the wine steward presented our mixed table of six with a formidable menu of grog on offer, and cruise-savvy passengers purchased their wine by the bottle and handed the unfinished libations back at the end of each meal to be poured for them later or sent to the cabin after hours for nightcaps.

I’ll be back for sure, only the next time around, I intend to board a cruise, hopefully on a Cunard ship as Queen Elizabeth was superb, but with plenty of ports to call on as I’ve been told exploring attractions and shopping on terra firma enhances the entire experience ten-fold. Keep your eyes peeled for future cruising postcards from this sailor. I had a fabulous floating, frolicking cruise onboard time!

THANK YOU! The Author would like to thank Cunard for his education, enlightenment, and, motivation to go down to the sea, and he has informed the editors, he is now another enthusiastic addition to the cruising choir.

In Addition: HUGE thanks go out to Let’s Travel Magazine, Escape, Delta Airlines, Global Travel Media, Virgin and Air Tahiti Nui, who’ve continually supported efforts to get me packed and out from behind the desk.

Fact-finding? Try…

Cunard Cruises: www.cunard.com/en-au

Let’s Travel Magazine: www.letstravelmag.com